MY CRAZY WORLD: June 2010

Sometimes in buses if I have a seat (rare occassion).. I get scared if a female who is a little plump around the waist stands near me.. especially those working females.. Why?

Because I feel (and I have actually mistaken that) they are pregnant and I get up to offer my seat to them!

If she is pregnant, I have done a wonderful deed but giving them my seat to them. I feel really proud of myself on such days.

If she is NOT pregnant, I lost my seat and trust me, NO WOMAN likes to be called pregnant especially when she's not. It's like a slap in the face. Hurts.

I think I understand what's going through your head now. I'm not the kind who politely smiles and offers the seat. I actually chit-chat because I want to confirm that the person I'm offering my seat to, is actually pregnant and not some sly, plump female who is taking my seat on grounds of looking pregnant. So there is 50-50 chance of me being right.

Sometimes I have been right, sometimes I have lost my seat.

Also, for those who do not know, there are 2 laws that work in buses - (Dimple's laws, not Murphy's)

1) The day you are super tired and don't have strength to stand- you will never get a seat.

2) On days you are full of energy, you will find a seat to rest your ass on without any difficulty.

So when the latter happens, I do not miss an opportunity to rest my ass. I may have let it go for short distances, but since I live in a village out of Mumbai, I don't usually do that.

But when the former happens, I do the following things to gain sympathy:

Look all sad and tired (I already feel that from inside, but now I have to "show" it)
Look at my watch, look at the crowd and sigh.

On rare occassions, someone actually gets up and tells you to sit down in their seat even though there are equally good competitors around. Bless that soul.

But somedays, according to the laws, you just can't help but stand in the crowded bus, get pushed around and give dirty looks to stupid men staring at you.

But somedays you have all the luck. I hate such days :-P