MALE BEHAVIOR AND CHARACTERISTICS #2

This one is a continuation for my favorite work mate Pearl Njeri Kiarie's Topic so just Enjoy it too

   6 days ago I decided to help out my pal Pearl just to try and understand us male just how we do behave and carry on with our daily thinking and reactions.. So today i decided to continue with writing the continuation of the previous blog so that you would understand just how we do think.
  So pearl today I just want to continue by giving you a chance to understand men's behavior by some of the words we do use just to keep you up to date with what they really mean .
  You probably learned a whole new language in Internet lingo with terms like “cache” and “cookies” meaning something completely different than dollars and Mint Milanos. But hey, you’ve adapted…except for when it comes to communication with your man. There doesn’t seem to be an operations manual to help you deal with male behavior and that’s why you’ve created “Y-Speak” as your guide to decoding the thoughts, opinions, and communication style of our Y-chromosome partners. So when He uses this words in communicating with you. just know this is what he really means :-
LATER: usually meaning any time after now. When a guy says “later,” it could mean tonight, tomorrow, next week, or maybe even never. How does one set their clock to “later?” You can’t. Just don’t be waiting around thinking later will be any time soon.
THE IMPORTANCE OF SPORTS: Please remember that a game is not “just a stupid game.” Sports is a part of who men are except for this writer who has no interest in sports whatsoever. It is their culture much like beauty, shopping, and fashion are to you ladies. Guys were playing sports as soon as they could learn to walk and they did much of their maturing and interaction with one another on a sports field. It is where they learned teamwork, strategy, competition, and many other facets of life and sociology and that is why it remains important to them no matter how old they are.
MULTI-TASKING: when a man multi-tasks, that means he is reading on the toilet. Guys are extremely focused, simple, one-track mind individuals in that they cannot juggle a laundry list of things to do like we can. If you communicate one thought at a time to them, you will be much better off.
SILENCE/GRUNT: if you ask your guy a question and there is no response or just a caveman-like grunt, it doesn’t mean silent agreement or that he is intentionally ignoring you. As to the point above, if a guy is reading the paper, watching TV, or even figuring out what color socks to put on, that is where his brain is focused and while he may have heard your question somewhere off in the distance, it hasn’t yet registered with him so you’ll need to interrupt him to see if you can ask him a question. I know…seems redundant, but that’s how they function.
“WE HAVE TO TALK”: if you want to create sheer terror inside your man, just say “we have to talk.” Same thing happens to you ladies and Pearl am pretty sure you can testify and back me up on this. am pretty sure you know what I mean lol. Guys are sure they are about to hear complaints, corrections, and what horrible human beings they are — or worse, nagging about the “M” word. Guys don’t want to talk about the relationship and their feelings. They want to experience them. And for the most part, they feel if they are spending time with you it’s because they want to…and things will evolve naturally. There’s no need to have to “talk” about it.
CONFRONTATION: this belongs on the sports field, NOT in the bedroom, on the couch, or across the kitchen table or via a phone call or text message. Guys just don’t like confrontation — chalk it up to feeling as if they are being reprimanded by their mother. If a man feels like he is being accused of anything or he needs to answer about something, he will do whatever it takes to avoid confrontation. He will walk out of the room, not return phone calls, or simply just never see you again.
THE INQUISITION: Casually ask a guy what he did last night with his friends or who he was talking with on the phone and he will feel as if he is being interrogated. Guys just don’t want to talk about what they do when they are not with you — and that includes past relationships. If you feel like he is shutting down and being difficult, it’s because he just doesn’t want to talk about it. Granted, that kicks off alarm bells in women because we start wondering if he’s cheating, but don’t always be so suspicious…it’s just how they are wired.
FIDELITY: Women were created to be nurturers, men were created to be breeders. Men have a basic, ingrained instinct to want to have sex with everything that crosses their path. So why are men faithful? Because at some point in their lives they decide to trade-off the ability to sleep with anyone and everyone in order to gain companionship, love, and greater societal acceptance — but it doesn’t mean the urge isn’t still there.
VISUAL VS. VERBAL: Men get turned on by what they see (sexy women, sports cars, big power tools) while women get turned on more by what they experience through communication and interaction(Okay most definitely I read this in one of the books in the library). But That’s why a guy’s head is always going to turn when a beautiful woman or hot car passes by while a woman feels more excited by a man telling her how much he cares for her(This is just my explanation though).
NAGGING: Along the same lines, women are more verbal about what bothers them, what they want to change or correct in their mate, etc. Guys, for the most part, are more laid-back. They accept many more flaws in their partners than women do and aren’t prone to initiate talks to change behaviors or attitudes.
ON THE ROAD TO PANTYVILLE: a man wants to get laid pure and simple. There’s no romance or long-term commitment. He just wants to see whether you wear bikinis or thongs, and what you’ve got under them. And if you’ve been with a guy who is “On The Road to Pantyville,” it’s highly likely you won’t hear from him again — he’s already made it to his intended destination.
EXPENSIVE LINGERIE: Speaking of panties, remember that expensive, lacy, sexy lingerie is for you, not for him. Guys are happy with a split-second look at your Victoria’s Secret goodies, but in their minds, what’s underneath is more important and they simply want it OFF!
So Pearl Now you’ve got a much better idea of what goes on in the head of your man. and for a reason or so if you may want me to continue with writing about this halla and you will get more of it later.. Get it LATER..

Gone in 60 Seconds.

I had planned to surprise Kaspun on Friday. I wanted to take her out as a part of my plan to play backup to a Hero. Those plans got cancelled when she was around Alliance Franchise through at the last minute. So of course I ended up going out still convinced I would surprise her. I already had a plan in place, I didn't want to waste it. Just amusing that the night I planned to surprise she was most definitely with her pals.that just happened to be my pals' girl. Though am not good with names, I remember meeting up with them in 680 hotel where they had a function and it looked like they had a lot going on between them. As much as I didn't know what was happening, I noticed they had a thing or two.Anyway back to my situation.. Since Kaspun had told me where she was and I was already in a matatu heading to westlands' Skylux. I decided to go and meet her , i alighted the matatu and headed to where she was.. The first person I came to meet was her pal seated down. So i decided to say hi since i was looking for Jacque (another name for Kaspun). Anyway she reminded me her name which unfortunately I cant recall but she had glasses on and I believe she is best of friend with Kaspun. I wanted to ask where she was but I decided not to and just have my cool . Several catch ups I heard Kaspun's voice from the back and turned around and found her with some of her pals..
I decided not to disturb but just ignore since i didnt want to be a bother, I continued chatting with her and decided that it was fit if I just left and go on with my planned night out.. I decided to go to secret lounge and have two for the road as waited for a call from my boy Mitch so that we could go about with our rants at night .. To my surprise that's how I did miss Kaspun that night considering that just because of wrong negative decision of just in sixty seconds.. I was gone by the time those 60 seconds had elapsed but I do promise to make up for her anyways.. 
After all that my pal Mitch called and told me that he was already in westlands so i took my last beer and headed there.
We hit up this club I had been hearing about for years and had never made it to. Something about a club under the ground gives it an interesting appeal. Not the "upscale" type I usually do. I liked it. Nice to have a change of pace. On the way there I told him that his intuition had been right . I didn't go into details but I told him when, and how, and most importantly(at least to me) why I lied. As I expected, he completely understood. He said he'd always known and was pretty sure he knew why I lied about it. The conversation drifted off from there to the chain this had become: he and I, and CT and the other chick. It's amusing to us both; the entire chain of events is just plain amusing. 
 I had no doubt that it would have been a pleasant night if only Kaspun would have been it coz she's so much like myself extroverted in appearance but introverted at second glance. Most people just don't take that second glance at her. I'm glad I did.
To summarize my gone in 60 second , I haven't had a second chance to meet her but Kaspun since this is written for you , I request that you find that time and I will be gone in never.

MALE BEHAVIOR AND CHARACTERISTICS

This post is specifically for Pearl Njeri Kiarie.. The coolest workmate I have so far met at work............

My Pal Pearl Kiarie gets baffled when it comes to understanding male behavior. However, there are certain patterns of behavior that are nearly universal. There will always be exceptions to any rule, nevertheless, there are some characteristically male traits that are often misinterpreted or simply misunderstood by the fairer sex.So I have decided to look at some of my past traits and present to help her understand some of them.. So Njeri lets start with this 7 traits I have noted down.  
 1.      Men cannot be friends with women they find attractive.
Straight men find no appeal in being “friends” with a woman they find attractive. Their mind will remain trained on that attraction even if they don’t show it. So why do some men feign friendship? Some men are willing to “wait it out” until a woman breaks up with a boyfriend, gets hard up for sex or wears down by his appeals. In some instances it’s just a matter of opportunity. Should opportunity strike, he’ll make use of that opportunity.
 2.      Men are constantly thinking about sex
I don’t believe there is a man alive who can honestly dispute this one! Men are biologically programmed to procreate and physiologically stimulated to do so. It starts from puberty on into adulthood and never seems to diminish.  In cases where it does slow down, they have cleverly invented products specifically developed to reignite a man’s “mojo.” (e.g. Viagra™, Cialis™, etc.)
 3.      Men determine whether or not they’re interested in a woman rather quickly
Men aren’t prone to carrying around a checklist of requirements for what they find desirable in a woman. However, they are naturally adept at quickly assessing who they’d like to pursue. Unlike some women, men don’t tend to make up reasons why they should like someone or how they could grow to like someone. They simply like you or they don’t.
 4.      Men are running game if they make everything purposely complicated and “confusing”
He’s moody, inconsistent and defensive all the time. He blames his behavior on you and your lack of commitment to the relationship. He’s unpredictable and makes himself available when it is convenient for him and serially unavailable when it’s important to you. Let’s stop here and assess. Now apart from all the other qualities that men possess, one quality that rings true in almost all they do is simplicity. Men are nowhere near as complicated as this. Thus, despite this man’s endearing professions of love, quite frankly, if his words aren’t reflected in his actions he’s a player and you’re part of the game.
 5.      Men enjoy the thrill of the hunt
As much as men enjoy being pursued, they actually enjoy being the pursuer more. A man’s ability to win over a woman is a testament to his skills and his manliness. There’s no glory in a woman throwing herself at a man, even if he’d been interested otherwise. A subtle invitation, however, makes a man more confident in his approach, but still gives him the opportunity to lead the pursuit.
 6.      Men who are sincere are consistent
Men are generally creatures of habit, pretty straight forward and very communicative by way of their actions. Sometimes when inconsistencies arise women ignore signs and symptoms that something is amiss.  These are what I call “red flags.” A man who is consistent in how he treats you is being honest about who he is and how he conducts himself. There’s no mystery. However, a man who was consistent and now seems to have changed is not being honest – irrespective of his motives.
7.      Most men will never forget their first love, and some will never get over it
This is a topic that can evoke some of the most heartfelt emotions in a man. Some men remain haunted by a former heartbreak. Still others look at their first love with a genuine fondness.  Either way, these experiences can affect their future relationships with women. Men will generally fall into one of three particular categories. One group will continue to pursue loving, healthy relationships. While between the other two, he will either hold a torch or carry a chip into every subsequent relationship.
While I am truly thankful that all men are not alike, I must admit that there are some similarities that seem consistent among them. In my personal journey to having a better understanding of men, I have discovered that men rarely engage in random behavior, if at all. There is rhyme to their reason and it is deeply connected to the responses they elicit from women. A better understanding of these common characteristics can make communicating and interacting with men less like a game of chess, and more of a meaningful exchange.

So to my pal Pearl these are just but a few of the characteristics we do have lol.. So next time you hear these words. "We need to talk!!" , don't freak out and just flow with the story..

Relationships 101: How to Handle and Cope with Differences

In relationships - no matter what kind - the spice of life between people may oftentimes give a welcoming flavor, but too much spice can create tumult and spin any relationship into a state of chaos. Oftentimes, too many differences can prove to be quite unsettling and troubling. People may not always view eye to eye on many topics. There can exist differences of opinion on significant issues, or presenting new approaches to life may be disconcerting to those not able to understand fully.
When differences surface in a relationship, they can be perceived either positively or negatively. If you are finding that there is trouble in a relationship that you're in due to differences of personality or opinions, try turning the negative issues into more productive positive outcomes. Even a broth filled with too much spice can be watered down. Differences can be a valuable ingredient and essential part of learning. Turning the tide on differences by not allowing judgmental obstinancy to creep in, can also create positive and more fruitful experiences.
Communication is a necessity for the understanding and acceptance of differences in any relationship, enabling differences to come out as positive aspects within a relationship. It signifies an open exchange of ideas, and this can be possible only when all parties involved are willing to not only talk but to listen just as equally. In taking the time to listen attentively without quickly passing judgment and truly making the understanding effort towards another person's perspective, will result positively with people turning their differences into strengths within their relationships. Thereby, ending by bringing people much closer together in the process.
For those individuals having difficulty in opening the lines of communication, there are ways and methods to start the "positive pow-wow" going. Even something quite simple as reminding oneself to not interrupt whilst another person is talking can achieve wonders. If the waves are strained with the inability
for discussion, making a gentle attempt to start one can prove a way to show the willingness in wanting to work things out.
Here are some ways and/or guidelines to help a bruised relationship back on a positive track towards better understanding and communication:
Listen
In order for all parties in a relationship to feel at ease and comfortable, they must think and feel that they're being listened to. Taking the time to really hear what people have on their minds without judgments or interruptions is the most crucial start in mending the emotional hurts and bruises. It is the most significant part to do in order for a well-functioning relationship to unfold. This step may be harder than what it is seems, but in trying to salvage a relationship, listening is a necessary ingredient which can be mastered in the doing. Whatever happens, don't listen just to "pretend" you're listening to give off the impression or appearance that you're willing to respect the other person's views for them, when all you're thinking about is waiting for the opportunity to voice your own opinion. That is not listening. To seriously listen means to be willing to participate your energy with the person you're listening to.
Talk
Don't be scared to voice what is on your mind, even if you're uncertain on how other people will handle it. It is significant to get things out in the open than to allow your frustrations within yourself to fester. Make certain that tact is involved when communicating. A voicing of opinions which is focused will be readily more acceptable to a listening audience.
Respect
Don't only think of yourself. Give other people the same space and opportunity to express themselves in the same manner in which you'd like to have or be given. After all, it's all about an equal exchange of energies. When discussing with other people, don't always think you must win the argument because you feel you can out-reason the person you're discussing with. Once again, use tact without seeking to condescend or patronizing the other individual. Allow them their reasoning as well. You may surprisingly find that they are not as irrational or incompatible as they seemed initially. If you can't find yourself agreeing with the viewpoint of the other individual, then stress that you are willing to agree on the disagreements. A resolution for peace should be the outcome.
Overall

In any relationship, differences can prove to be problems, but with sincere efforts to work out the differences, resolutions can be obtained with healthy communication. There should not have to exist a burning of bridges.

ENJOY THIS POEM BY KARINA DEL CAMPO

Between our little fights and our giggles

Do you remember that you were the first lips I touched? 

The first hand I held, 

The first one I cared for, 

The only one I ever loved.

Do you remember you made me smile when I first saw you?

The first time I did I knew there was something there.

A spark between us that I felt only when I was with you.

Do you remember that you were the first to put your arms around my waist?

The first to lift me in the air.

You were my Romeo, I was your Juliet

Do you remember we weren't allowed to see each other?

But still we made it happen.

We weren't allowed to talk, but still, we managed.

Do you remember when we happened you held me so tight?

We didn't want to let go

Do you remember when I would look at you and just smile?

You gave thanks to God everyday since he put me in your life.

Do you remember when it was over?

We still cared for each other.

You told me you wished the best for me.

Do you remember that you were the first one I ever cried for?

Besides my daddy when he left me.

Do you remember we had something that nobody had?

Something people looked for, but didn't find.

You were the best I ever had. (:

You were my first love. 

If I had three wishes the first one would be,

To see that beautiful smile I love to see.

The second would be to be in your arms just one more time.

The third would be to have you back in my life,

To have you forever baby.

'Till this day you’re still in my heart. And I don't regret a thing

15 Things you should Give Up for Happier Life

Here is a list of 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and you'll feel much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering and instead of letting them all go and allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to them.

Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!


1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can't stand the idea of being wrong wanting to always be right even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It's just not worth it. Whenever you feel the 'urgent' need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: 'Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?' What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?


2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
'By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.' Lao Tzu


3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don't have, for what you feel or don't feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don't believe everything that your mind is telling you especially if it's negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
'The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.' Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
'A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.' Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It's not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you're not just to make others like you. It doesn't work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you're not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change don't resist it.
'Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.' Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling the things, people or events that you don't understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.' Dr. Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn't exist you created it. It's all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.' Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. . A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck and lie to ourselves, using all kind of excuses excuses that 99.9% of the time, are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. This one's hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But, you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for the past that you are now dreaming about was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us, is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too (it still is), but it's not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things (and that doesn't mean you give up your love for them because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless; where there is love there can't be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot co-exist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people's expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them; to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people's expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need and eventually, they forget about themselves. You have one life this one right now you must live it, own it, and especially don't let other people's opinions distract you from your path.

LOVE LETTER TO EX GIRLFRIEND MONISHA

 

8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do

I'm fortunate to know a number of remarkably successful people. I've described how these people share a set of specific perspectives and beliefs.

They also share a number of habits:

1. They don't create back-up plans.

Back-up plans can help you sleep easier at night. Back-up plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You'll work a lot harder and a lot longer if your primary plan simply has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment--without a safety net--will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

If somehow the worst does happen (and the "worst" is never as bad as you think) trust that you will find a way to rebound. As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

2. They do the work...

You can be good with a little effort. You can be really good with a little more effort.

But you can't be great--at anything--unless you put in an incredible amount of focused effort.

Scratch the surface of any person with rare skills and you'll find a person who has put thousands of hours of effort into developing those skills.

There are no shortcuts. There are no overnight successes. Everyone has heard about the 10,000 hours principle but no one follows it... except remarkably successful people.

So start doing the work now. Time is wasting.

3.  ...and they work a lot more.

Forget the Sheryl Sandberg "I leave every day at 5:30" stories. I'm sure she does. But she's not you.

Every extremely successful entrepreneur I know (personally) works more hours than the average person--a lot more. They have long lists of things they want to get done. So they have to put in lots of time.

Better yet, they want to put in lots of time.

If you don't embrace a workload others would consider crazy then your goal doesn't mean that much to you--or it's not particularly difficult to achieve. Either way you won't be remarkably successful.

4. They avoid the crowds.

Conventional wisdom yields conventional results. Joining the crowd--no matter how trendy the crowd or "hot" the opportunity--is a recipe for mediocrity.

Remarkably successful people habitually do what other people won't do. They go where others won't go because there's a lot less competition and a much greater chance for success.

5. They start at the end...

Average success is often based on setting average goals.

Decide what you really want: to be the best, the fastest, the cheapest, the biggest, whatever. Aim for the ultimate. Decide where you want to end up. That is your goal.

Then you can work backwards and lay out every step along the way.

Never start small where goals are concerned. You'll make better decisions--and find it much easier to work a lot harder--when your ultimate goal is ultimate success.

6. ... and they don't stop there.

Achieving a goal--no matter how huge--isn't the finish line for highly successful people. Achieving one huge goal just creates a launching pad for achieving another huge goal.

Maybe you want to create a $100 million business; once you do you can leverage your contacts and influence to create a charitable foundation for a cause you believe in. Then your business and humanitarian success can create a platform for speaking, writing, and thought leadership. Then...

The process of becoming remarkably successful in one field will give you the skills and network to be remarkably successful in many other fields.

Remarkably successful people don't try to win just one race. They expect and plan to win a number of subsequent races.

7. They sell.

I once asked a number of business owners and CEOs to name the one skill they felt contributed the most to their success. Each said the ability to sell.

Keep in mind selling isn't manipulating, pressuring, or cajoling. Selling is explaining the logic and benefits of a decision or position. Selling is convincing other people to work with you. Selling is overcoming objections and roadblocks.

Selling is the foundation of business and personal success: knowing how to negotiate, to deal with "no," to maintain confidence and self-esteem in the face of rejection, to communicate effectively with a wide range of people, to build long-term relationships...

When you truly believe in your idea, or your company, or yourself then you don't need to have a huge ego or a huge personality. You don't need to "sell."

You just need to communicate.

8. They are never too proud.

To admit they made a mistake. To say they are sorry. To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others. To poke fun at themselves. To ask for help.

To fail.

And to try again