Dear Hot Straight Actresses,

Dear Hot Straight Actresses,

Stop playing perfect lesbian characters on TV that cause me to become wet on lonely Thursday nights.

It’s the equivalent of waving double chocolate fudge cake in front of a menstruating woman who has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

To name a few,

Jennifer Beals as Bette Porter on The L Word.
Stop it!

Naya Rivera as the sassy Santana Lopez on Glee.
Stop it!

Angie Harmon as butch goddess Detective Jane Rizzoli on Rizzoli & Isles.
You may be in the closet but you are gay and stop!

And Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw as the married lesbos Dr. Cali Torrez and Dr. Arizona Robbins of Grey’s Anatomy.
You…you keep going. You two give me hope.

Hope that someday my insanely high expectations will be met when my hot art collecting, sassy mouthed Doctor with handcuffs in her back pocket jumps from the screen and onto my sweatpants covered lap.
In this crazy assumption that I’ll end up falling out of an apple tree letting gravity push me into the arms of a woman who fixes my broken sense of reality with a amazing great hair and a wedding proposal.

Missing out on the

Hot barista who gives me an extra large when I ask for a small

or the

Budding sexy artist who invites me to her galleries only to realize her muse has oddly the same hips as me.

or the

Best friend who is still stuck in the shadows of my closet.

Nope…didn’t see any of those.
I’m too busy watching the boob tube to see what low cut tops they can get away with before they leave the set and back to their husband and 2.5 kids.

All I’m asking is…

…when is it coming out on DVD?

MODESTY 101

1. 1
   Check that you are using assertive communication appropriately. If you are new to assertiveness, or you're not feeling your usual self because of illness or stress, etc., you might be resorting to techniques that are more aggressive, passive aggressive, or making assumptions where there are none to be made, rather than being assertive. A quick check you can do is to think back through your comments and stance with the person in question and write down what you said. Read it back: Does it sound to you as if you were being assertive, or otherwise? Be Honest - it's about you!
2. 2
   Check the context. Sometimes factors come into the equation that shouldn't. Race, gender, married status, age, disabilities, illness, and so on can sometimes cause a person to assume that you have an "attitude", rather than an assertive style of communication. If you suspect that this is the situation, continue with your assertive communication and consider whether it is worth raising your concern that your status might be causing negative responses from the person accusing you of being arrogant, or whether this might even be something actionable in your workplace, school, etc. environment.
3. 3
   Be an Active Listener : Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Assertiveness is about give and take; you take a little of their time to clarify your feelings and you give a lot of your time to hear about theirs. Remember that a good listener is also a flatterer and it's hard to find arrogance in that!
4. 4
   Be Humble and modest. Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I did!" from the rooftops. Assertive people are remembered because they stand firm, their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; they also frequently become a form of role model for others seeking to assert themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don't boast, big note yourself or become pushy, no matter how clever, popular, or successful you might be.
5. 5
   Reflect over your communications with others and your purpose. While assertiveness is about ensuring that others respect you and what you want in life, it ceases to be assertive communication when you use assertiveness techniques to confuse or outwit someone where you're more knowledgeable, cashed up, or better off than another person. Assertive communication is not about "getting your own way". That's turning assertiveness into aggressive techniques of communication and that's when you'll be accused of being arrogant. Always think about the purpose of your communications - will it make you better understood, will it ensure that your needs are fully communicated, and will it still respect the other person's need to be clearly understood and well informed? For example, which of these examples do you prefer:
   
   
   • Hi, I'm "Arrogant". I bought this iPhone here last week. It's a lemon. It scrambles my messages, it chewed up my hard drive, and it emits this high, piercing sound that makes my dog go insane. Now I just know an iPhone isn't supposed to behave this way but I suspect that your store is removing the X factor that makes it work well when the software download from Herod's site is added to the overall structure. I mean, you guys think you're so smart but I'm one ahead of you and this really stinks. I mean, back in '89 I practically invented the whole concept but it was stolen from me, so nothing gets past me ever again. This is so serious a breach of your store's customer care that I want the manager, not just a retail rep!"
   • Hi, I'm "Assertive". Oh I see you're Njeri - Hi Njeri! I don't think we've met yet - I think I was served by Cyril before. Anyway, I bought this iPhone last week and it's a lemon. It scrambles my messages, it chewed up my hard drive, and it emits this high, piercing sound that made my dog go insane. Now I just know an iPhone isn't supposed to behave this way and I was hoping you might be able to look into it getting fixed, or perhaps, even better, give me a new one? I'd really like a new one because then I wouldn't have to worry it might fail on me again. I've always bought my gadgets from this store and I have always really appreciated your customer service. So Njeri, do you think you might be able to help me out?"
   • In the first example, Arrogant starts off OK and then starts meandering, and ends up being aggressive. In the second example, Assertive keeps it light, considerate but still remains focused on the point, only he asks for buy-in from the retail assistant and doesn't disrespect her station. Note how he also named her at the start - Establishing rappaport with someone for who they are, not just their role, really matters. And that is one incredible key to warding off people finding you arrogant when you practice assertive communications – you treat the other person like they matter (because they do).
6. 6
   Remember that assertiveness techniques take time to learn and nobody gets it right all the time. Apologizing is a good response to a failure to communicate assertively though and there is always space to reopen that door to better communications.
7. 7
   Don't take negative comebacks to heart. When you are faced with one of life's more challenging personalities, the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Sometimes it is your self-assurance that is a cause of irritation for less secure people and their response is to try and weevil their way in through criticism. This is never a reason to fall back into old patterns of unhealthy communication styles. Simply reassert whatever your point is and choose to leave it there. It is something they can work on with the full enlightenment on where you stand.
8. 8
   Seek the middle way. Sometimes if you're placed in a position of having to choose between differing viewpoints in a group, there might be accusations of arrogance against one division by the other. Always consider the possibility of being able to acknowledge both sides of the argument and finding the middle way to draw the concerns together. You don't necessarily have to solve the situation but you can be a powerful facilitator to the group finding an answer to its division through your assertive communications. In such situations, inform everyone that the situation is not one for blame, not one for recriminations, and not one for finding fault. Instead, help people to see that there is a chance for compromise by showing them where each has made assumptions about the other or the facts of the situation, while still upholding your own belief or opinion. And suggest that they have another look at things to reach a compromise.

HUSTLE 101 FOR @IngasianE

1. Become a reality TV star: Think the hacks on reality TV have absolutely no talent? Think you also have no talent? Why not join them? You have done Communication right?
2. Resell Items : There are plenty of people who buy and resell items on Rupu.co.ke and eBay, few have turned it into a true business
3. Refer to friends : You can borrow or ask for help from friends.. though Cyril chose to write this to help by writing this
4. Design Logos: If you have some design skill and are handy with the Photoshop, consider designing logos for folks. My buddy Vic aka cheekszone jpeg (@cheekszonejpeg), has been doing big with it. 
5. Join a Focus Group: I joined a focus group several years ago and have been invited to participate about once a year, only went once. It’s not a bad gig, a few thousand shillings to spend a couple hours in a room with strangers, but it’s very infrequent. Getting the call is like finding a gift… if you don’t mind a few hours in a room with strangers.
6. Sell Bottled Water @ Concerts, Games, etc: I did an experiment several years ago where I sold alot. I revisted it later on and despite losing money, I think it’s still possible to generate a profit, especially if you don’t have to split the proceeds with your employee.
7. Babysit: It’s not just for teenagers anymore, it’s possible for anyone to make a little extra money if you’re willing to jump through just a few hoops.
8. Start a cashwash: Right infront of the house. Greenfields has potential customers
9. Rent out a spare room: With sites like Airbnb.com, anyone can take a few photos of their spare room and rent it out to visitors. How much you are able to charge will depend on which amenities you offer but anyone can earn a few bucks renting out that spare room easily. You can list for free and only pay 3% to Airbnb when the reservation is completed.
10. Search for silver coins in your pocket change: return them to Central Bank to be given cash
11. Become a mystery shopper: Plenty of companies hire mystery shoppers to go through the shopping experience and provide feedback. Most of those companies will, in turn, hire mystery shopping people that handle the coordination and reporting. It’s not lucrative but it does pay a few bucks every so often and a great way to earn some pocket money.
12. Sell advertising on your car: If you do a lot of driving, you could always offer up your vehicle to get “wrapped.” If you’ve ever seen cars wrapped in ads, that’s a car wrap and the driver is getting paid to drive around and spread “buzz” about that company. I don’t know much about it but my friend Jim has researched the subject and shares his thoughts
13. Donate plasma: You can earn money donating plasma, which can be a long and painful process. Do a google search of donation centers near you and find out how much they’ll pay.
14. Look for your own Missing Money: There are billions of dollars “missing” and you can find out if any of it is yours at MissingMoney.com. You might have to jump through some hoops to get to it but it’s new money to you!
15. Sell your gift cards: Since it’s pretty close after the holidays, chances are you still have a few gift cards left over that you haven’t used. If you haven’t spent them down to the last dollar or two, consider selling them on a gift card site to turn them into cash.
16. Set up a vending machine: In my neighborhood, there is a family that bought a used soda vending machine on discount. They plug it in, keep it stocked, and the neighborhood kids are happy to plunk  50 shillings in it for a cooling drink on a hot day. While there are overhead costs, you can still make a decent profit if you buy your soda in bulk and keep the machine stocked.
17. Sell your hair on eBay: Did you know that doll makers like real hair? If you have healthy locks, you can cut them off and sell your hair to wigmakers, doll makers, and others. You can even do it on eBay.
18. Sign up for clinical trials: A number of companies are looking for people to participate in clinical trials. They’ll even pay you!
19. Pet sitting: Offer to watch others’ pets. Take care of their various animals while they’re away. You don’t even have to do it while others are gone. Some people hire others to come play with and walk their pets during the day while they’re at work.
20. Run errands: Busy people need their dry cleaning picked up, and their grocery shopping done. Why not provide these services? You can take care of your own errands at the same time, and get paid for running someone else’s. Bonus.
21. Recycle scrap metal: If you are having trouble figuring out what to do with that useless car, old caper, or a pile of old nuts and bolts, you can take it to a salvage yard. You’ll be paid by the pound. And, by the way, some places will still pay you for aluminum cans. So you can scrounge around for those as well.
22. Sperm and egg donation: You can be paid for your reproductive abilities. Sperm banks will pay you for donations, and there are a number of people willing to pay for “high quality” eggs (a process that is a little more invasive and difficult than sperm donation).
23. Re-sell tickets to events: If you are a season ticket holder, and know you want attend all the games, you can re-sell your tickets and earn a little cash. You can also buy tickets to events that are likely to sell out, and then sell them for a profit later. Some hopeful souls are even trying to scalp tickets to opening IMAX showings of The Dark Knight Rises for 10000 shillings.
24. Treasure hunting: Look for items of value that others throw away for re-sell. You can also use a metal detector to help you find old coins and other valuables that might be worth something for you to sell.
25. Bone marrow donation: If you don’t mind being laid up for a few days, and you can handle what can be a painful procedure, you can make 40000 shillings or more by providing bone marrow.
26. Camp at Crater : If you have a little time, and can afford the gas,
27. Sell your photos online: You can join stock photo sites like istockphoto.com and earn money when others use your work. A great way to make money from your photography hobby.
28. Try Fiverr: One of the most popular sites right now is Fiverr.com. Do odd things for 400 shillings a job.
29. Develop mobile apps: If you have a talent for programming, you can earn money by developing mobile apps.
30. Virtual assisting: You can be a virtual assistant, performing tasks for others, including scheduling and phone tasks, as well as performing other tasks, such as social media engagement or answering emails.
31. Pick up loose change: Look for loose change, wherever you go, and pick it up. You can even boost the chances that you find it by taking a yardstick and sweeping it under washing machines and dryers at the laundromat. You can probably find change under seats on public transit, and in other hard to reach places.
32. YouData: Without providing identifying information, you can earn money, a little at a time, by looking at ads via YouData.
33. Provide computer “tech support”: If you know a little bit about computers, you can charge to help others back up their systems, install new software, and perform other tasks related to technology.
34. Be a freelance teacher: Teach community education classes or seminars in areas of expertise. If you have the right qualifications, you can even hire out as an adjunct professor.

PREMATURE EJACULATION

The taboo subject

lurking in the closet

Afraid, so very afraid,

Must now be played

Women have whispered

facts, but gossip heard

can be distorted...

Today, it shall be sorted,

Yes, I will agree

some men fall suddenly

to the astonishment

and their partners’ disappointment

But, and this no excuse,

It’s not what men choose

Premature ejaculation

is a combination

of this and that

Myth and fact

Sometimes it’s the breathing

noises heard, or positioning,

movement of the hips

foreplay, sensual lips,

Visuals in the mind

stroking from behind

fingers being entertained

She, screaming his name,

But the most common

is, the ‘Inexperience’ problem

Also, and women must know,

A starving man will flow

Sometimes even before

permitted entry thru the door

The slow intentional mood

Followed by the rude

expressions on display

and still more delay

It’s just too F - in much

How can men stay in touch

and still be expected

To keep the load protected?

Woman, for Dick’s sake,

Men try to keep it straight. 

SEDUCTION

Seductively, you enchant me with your smile.


Enticing me to caress your Goddess body.


X marks the spot where your beauty strikes me.


Unblemished you're flawless delightfully delicious.


Admiring you, my eyes fill for the need for you.


Lusting, craving to touch you.




Desperation overwhelms me as we lean in to kiss.


Explicit thoughts race through me as we touch.


Sexually I'm aroused, as your provocative hands wander.


Intensifying the fire, as your soft touch fuels the flame.


Ravenously we tear at each-other, hungry to taste.


Ecstasy, transports us into a pool of frenzied rhapsodic heavens.