Dear Hot Straight Actresses,
Stop playing perfect lesbian characters on TV that cause me to become wet on lonely Thursday nights.
It’s
the equivalent of waving double chocolate fudge cake in front of a
menstruating woman who has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
To name a few,
Jennifer Beals as Bette Porter on The L Word.
Stop it!
Naya Rivera as the sassy Santana Lopez on Glee.
Stop it!
Angie Harmon as butch goddess Detective Jane Rizzoli on Rizzoli & Isles.
You may be in the closet but you are gay and stop!
And Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw as the married lesbos Dr. Cali Torrez and Dr. Arizona Robbins of Grey’s Anatomy.
You…you keep going. You two give me hope.
Hope
that someday my insanely high expectations will be met when my hot art
collecting, sassy mouthed Doctor with handcuffs in her back pocket jumps
from the screen and onto my sweatpants covered lap.
In this crazy
assumption that I’ll end up falling out of an apple tree letting gravity
push me into the arms of a woman who fixes my broken sense of reality
with a amazing great hair and a wedding proposal.
Missing out on the
Hot barista who gives me an extra large when I ask for a small
or the
Budding sexy artist who invites me to her galleries only to realize her muse has oddly the same hips as me.
or the
Best friend who is still stuck in the shadows of my closet.
Nope…didn’t see any of those.
I’m
too busy watching the boob tube to see what low cut tops they can get
away with before they leave the set and back to their husband and 2.5
kids.
All I’m asking is…
…when is it coming out on DVD?
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