Jogging into the Bottomless Pit.

It was the night before jogging and all through the house, my excitement was stirring – maybe soon I’d have a spouse. But then I awoke and with the toll of the alarm…my body was unwilling – getting fit, had lost it’s charm.

I’ve always been full of half-good ideas…you know; spontaneous expensive trips abroad instead of sensibly saving, new unnecessary shoes instead of paying the tax bill, pizza for both tea and breakfast whilst still expecting a six-pack to materialise – that sort of thing. The sort of things that can be somewhat cute and quirky when you are younger, but unfortunately start to seem silly once the boring grip of age takes a hold.



Now any choice I make seems HUGE; so huge that I often feel anxious even thinking about the what-ifs and the maybes…so huge that I occasionally feel like reverting to childhood where most decisions are made for you – so huge that I put huge in big massive capital letters so you know I’m not fucking around. Yeah, that huge.

Leaving Rwanda last year was one of those choices as it meant I was essentially hanging up my travelling boots and strapping on something a little smarter – simply put, I had loved it but it had run its course. And yet still I felt unsure of what would be, and there seemingly wasn’t much in the way of helpful articles out there other than people stating stuff like: “you will feel like a stranger in your own town”, “no one will understand you”, and “you will never ever feel like you have a home ever again”…
Great, fab, brilliant – shall I shoot myself now, or is that also a service you offer through your delightful blog?



But listen it’s not all doom and gloom – so don’t for a second start believing those dreamy lost fucks online. You are still you after all…in fact you are the best version of yourself that you have ever been, it’s called growth and experience people! Those big choices define who you are and mould you into the person you will be…sure they take some getting used to, but it’s worth it in the end. Your life is irrevocably different as a result but that doesn’t mean it’s suddenly total dog shit:

Case in point I thought it was a tribe sort of choice I was making by returning to Kenya after adventuring around the world. You know, leaving the “traveller” lifestyle behind and getting back to a “proper job”, aka trading in a vibrant and fun life for a boring and tedious one…as if I was fully expecting that the powers that be were readying the drill to forcibly redesign me as a droid devoid of human emotion, and in doing so erasing all of my weird and wonderful memories…such a cartoonish way of looking at things!

I’m still me, and I’m still making stupid choices – trust me you don’t trade in your motivations at the door (just this year I’m going to Tanzania, Uganda, Ethiopia, USA, and potentially Canada…) How’s the saving going? Piss off, pal.



What’s my point? Oh yeah, choices. Life is what you make it people..sure I wallowed for a bit (I am a complainer first and foremost), but now I’ve got a terrific job with KPLC which do tremendous work of developing technical and supervisory skills to the then East African Power and Lighting Company employees (worth checking them out here)…and you know what? Things are pretty great. I’m not a stranger in my town, in fact I love that I know people and that they know me – this is my home, but being away and coming back makes me recognise that home can actually be potentially anywhere. I love that fact, it makes the future a little blurry…just as it should be.

Don’t worry I’m never going to stop with the stupid choices – I mean if I did, what would I share with you delightful chaps on my site…movie reviews? Come on.

Actually…that would be less stressful for me – as my most recent stupid choice means I am set to run a half-marathon in support of “touching many more children’s hearts”. this year. Hence the 6am wake up call, and aching limbs. Urghhhh if legs could cry mine would be moaning like Myrtle – and I’m only two days in. SEND HELP.

Eating in Bathrooms

There are a fair few things in this life that are not okay. That list seems to be getting exponentially larger with every passing day, but currently includes the likes of; kicking people in the face (unless you are a professional face kicker), driving as fast as humanely possible (unless you are a professional fast car racer), and being an ignorant bigoted racist dickhead (unless you are Donald Trump). Now another thing I would throw in there, and I’m sure you would too, is eating sandwiches,Fries or So called KDF in public bathrooms…



DISCLAIMER: Although I’d rather you didn’t – you are free to eat in your own clean bathroom. The world will still judge you harshly for it, but then again – you are probably not going to tell anyone are you? It’ll be your little secret held away from the judgemental eyes of the world’s media – fearful you will be nicknamed “The Pee-Pee Pepperoni”, “Ham and Cheese Bare Knees”, or “Ugly Naked Person Eating a Sandwich”.

The point is it’s weird. But there’s just something about public bathrooms that makes the act way more weird. Most of them I have ever been in scream: “GET IN, GET OUT. DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. NO CRUMBS ON THE URINE!” Don’t misunderstand me, apart from the grunting guy in the stalls there isn’t much noise; I was simply suggesting that the oddly sticky floor, the foul stench, and the altogether horribleness of the environment makes for internal screaming so loud you can almost be deafened.



All of that also makes for a place not okay to munch on a Matatu Fries. Especially if you have another hand steadying the ship (I mean penis.) as you wolf down your lunch.

If it isn’t already obvious I witnessed this, and I still don’t get it. How busy are you mystery stranger? What is going on that you need to multi-task to such a degree?

I really wanted to know, but he already had so much going on.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

At A Birthday Party

Goodbye 28, Hello 29! Is it me, or is time going faster? Is this a sign? Am I getting older? I am pretty sure the days and hours are just the same. However, I still feel as though there is NEVER ENOUGH TIME in a day or week to do what I need to do! (Rant Over) All joking aside 28 has been one of the best years of my life. I fell sick on 1st January for a month and had to quit my job at k.p.l.c.
Being that today is my birthday I have been playing a memory wheel of the past year in my head. It’s amazing how many things can change in 365 days. I have learned so much about myself this year, not to mention how important it is to truly keep God 1st in all you do.



What I Have Learned:
-I need to slow down and enjoy the moment.
-Be present and put the phone down (I am on any social media platform you can mention!)
-Plans and people change, get over it.
-People aren’t as though they seem, therefore dust it off and move forward.



My Goals For This Year:
-Go back to Meru.
-Get dates planned to go to Europe (Paris, Italy and London presumably).
-Start growing my family.
-Launching the second part of my vision. ( We will save this for another post)
-Surround myself with people that truly support and understand my madness.
-Not to skip the gym! ( Hell nah! What, I like my sleep!Infact I have never been a member)
Cheers to 29! The Best is yet to come! Now, I must go pack!
And Happy Birthday to Cyril Ochieng' and thats me.

The Reason I Meditate

“The meditation cushion is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren’t enough.” – Unknown

There exist countless varieties of meditation.  Depending on what one seeks, there is probably a meditation for it.  Common goals include stress reduction, cardiac health, subjective well-being (happiness), ecstatic states of consciousness, and spiritual communion/union.  Although these types of meditation are very diverse, one might arbitrarily divide the types of meditation into the concentration types and the open-awareness types.  The concentration types involve focusing on an object, such as the breath, a mantra, or visualization.  The open-awareness types are more of a surrender and opening up to what the universe has to offer.
I have a variety of meditations that I draw from depending on the particular needs I have at the time.  For example, if I am feeling disconnected from my heart, I may choose a lovingkindness or metta meditation.  If my mind is incredibly restless, I may choose a guided meditation from the Insight Timer app.

However, my go-to meditation is a hybrid of concentration and open.  To bring my mind into focus, I concentrate on my out breaths while counting to ten.  Any extraneous thoughts I label as “thinking” or “fear.”  Once my mind has settled down (if it does at all), I change to simply being mindful of whatever experience comes up, noticing any judgment, grasping, or aversion.
Mere intention to be mindful hasn’t been very useful for me.  In order to cultivate ongoing presence, I require a formal, structured, carved-in-stone-calendared practice.  Without this, other priorities tend to invade my sacred space.  For me, early morning time is the easiest to maintain as long as I can keep some discipline about when I go to bed.
Why do I go to such lengths for meditation?  I believe that the practice benefits me in a variety of ways.

1. Creates an Automatic Internal Program

You know that song that gets stuck in your head?  It got there because it was repeated and you paid attention to it.  Now it just comes up spontaneously, wanted or not.  A formal practice sets up a similar tune in my head that plays on and off all day in the background.  The lyrics are something like “What is my experience now?”  This little program is my best friend, ideally getting triggered by a variety of experiences and keeping me from getting too involved with mental fantasies.

2. Keeps Me From Rehearsing Fantasies

Whenever the mind is not aware of a present experience, it is either rehearsing a memory or rehearsing a fantasy.  Rarely are either of these healthy, but they sure can be seductive.  I just love to think about past hurts, future fears, or future ambitions.  All that just programs me to do even more of it in the future and reduces my current productivity and enjoyment.

3. Helps Me Make Memories

If I spend most of my day worrying/reminiscing about the past or catastrophizing/dreaming about the future, then I am NOT paying attention to my present.  Therefore, there is nothing to remember about the current day.  Days will go by, and I will have few memories to show for it.  Compare that to a day full of mindfulness, where I  hear what my friends say, and feel the ups and downs of life.  That is the stuff memories and life is made are made of (not that I want to waste all my time reminiscing).

4. Makes Me a Kinder Person

Meditation helps me stay centered, aware of my love and hate as they arise.  I am incredibly more compassionate and less angry when mindful.  The sooner I can catch an emotion, the less likely I will get involved with a story about it.  This makes me a much better husband and father.  As a mental health counselor, my therapy work is noticeably better when I am centered.

5. Lowers My Stress

Stress can be a pretty nasty thing for health.  It causes a cascade of chemical reactions in the body that result in cardiovascular plaque, abdominal fat, compromised immune system, chronic fatigue, and poor sleep.  I really try to avoid chronic stress by using meditation as a daily reset that can reduce my cortisol levels and keep me chill for as long as I remain mindful.  (Note: I try to maintain the mindful state at the end of meditation and carry it into my daily life.

6. Helps Me Make Better Decisions

If I am not centered, then decisions I make may be in the service of a dysfunctional mental state.  Accumulated decisions dictate what my life looks like.  The more decisions I make when I am mindful, the better my life situation will inevitably be.

7. Keeps Me in Good Company

I find that the more centered I am, the more I attract centered people in my life.  This happens both directly through meditative/spiritual circles and indirectly.
I suspect that my main excuse for skipping meditation is universal – there just isn’t enough time.  I have to call baloney on my excuse because I always get out twice what I put in it.  That reminds me of some advice I have heard about meditation: You should meditate at least one hour every single day, except when you are really busy.  On those days, you should meditate for two hours.

7 Lessons to Remember When Life Seems to Suck

“I’m grateful for past betrayals, heartaches, and challenges… I thought they were breaking me; but they were sculpting me.” ~Steve Maraboli
I have discovered that I am my own worst enemy, what with this constant barrage of negative thoughts that consumes me every waking moment as I sought answers from the man above.
Through it all, I have discovered the power of meditation to help me deal with life’s stresses (people or situations).
Several months later, this feeling is but a distant memory. From time to time it returns as nothing more than a flashback.
These are the lessons I wish to share with you today.

You Are What You Think

Among many of the things I started changing were my thoughts.
Your mind is a very powerful thing, and most of us take it for granted. We believe we aren't in control of what we think because our thoughts seem to fly in and out all day long. But you are in control of your thoughts, and you become what you think about. And that little kernel of truth is the secret power of the mind.
It's really not a secret after all. The power is available to every single person, including you. And it's free.

Be in the Habit of Questioning Your Beliefs

It starts with a subtle shift of consciously being aware of your thoughts and questioning them. I’m not saying that you should be constantly monitoring your thoughts. That would be tiring.
So long as you are able to step back every now and then to ask yourself these questions, you are in good shape.

• Why did I just think what I thought?

• From where did I get these beliefs?

• Are they correct? Is it possible that my beliefs are wrong?

• What other perspectives are also correct?

• How are these beliefs helping me?

Question your thoughts, for they lead to emotions. Watch your emotions, which leads to actions. Examine your actions (or lack thereof), which ultimately leads to results.
Another way to look at things is this: If you don’t like where you are, begin by looking at your results. Then look at the actions you took to achieve those results. Look yet another step backward to the emotions associated with those actions. Going further back, look at the thinking that created those emotions in the first place.
Now, can you see why what we think is so important?

Sometimes Things Have to Get Worse Before They Get Better

Those words were from my doctor, and they would keep echoing through my head as I fought back the waves of pain running down the lower right side of my body when I was admitted in Saint Marys Langata earlier this year.
I almost laughed when he first said them to me, thinking they were terribly cliché. Yet, this doctor was doing something none of the other specialists could do: alleviate my pain. Within the first hour of seeing him, my discomfort had almost halved.
Not only was he helping me with my pain, his simple words motivated me to start an exercise program for the first time in my life, despite the pain.
Keep in mind that two other doctors had also suggested this, but I dismissed their advice, thinking it was crazy to suggest exercise to a patient in pain, since I assumed it would exacerbate his condition. In other words, I thought I knew best.
It had only been ten minutes, but they were grueling. The guy next to me made it look easy, clocking in at thirty minutes and still going. I was hurting too much and had to jump off the machine.
As I stood there wondering what was going on with my health, I had a do-or-die moment: I could give up, go home, piss and moan about how much everything was hurting and what a dumb idea it was for the doctors to suggest that I start an exercise program, and never come back.
Yet, the words of my doctor kept playing back in my head. It shifted my perception: Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

When Abdul And Frank visited me at St. Mary's Hospital Langata.

The Bad Times Are a Gift

And so it is with things you are attempting for the first time. It may seem to really suck, when you’ve failed for the 100^th time, with success seemingly a long ways off.
It’s in these bad times that we choose to shift our perceptions and decide that failure is just a feedback mechanism. We learn both from our mistakes and our missed takes in life, about both the situations and ourselves.
And when we finally achieve success, we can truly appreciate what had at the time seemed like terrible moments in our lives. It’s these moments that brought forth the hidden potential within us. In other words, we discover truly powerful and resilient parts of ourselves that would have lain dormant had these “bad” times not been gifted to us.

Stop Finding Excuses for Why You Can’t

Instead, look for reasons why you can.
What this friend was telling me was in essence this: Stop looking for excuses for why you can’t do something. Instead, go do it in spite of the situation.

Successful People Are Thankful for Their Circumstances

Lamar Grant

 Lamar Grant would not have been the Lamar Grant if he never started lifting because of his scoliosis.
If not for his deafness, Beethoven would have fallen into obscurity as just another live concert performer. In spite of his growing and near complete deafness, Beethoven went on to compose some of the world’s most moving and beautiful symphonic pieces. Almost 200 years after it was written, his music is still listened and enjoyed today.

Beethoven

 

These people rose above their circumstances. They asked themselves, “What is it that I am to learn from this particular set of circumstances at this time? How does the Universe want me to grow?”In other words, they stopped blaming whatever hand they had been dealt and learned to play it as best they could.
It’s the same with other things I dislike doing. I do them anyway, as they are necessary to the path of success.

 

 

 

 

You Can Calm Your Mind Through Meditation

When I first learned how to meditate, it was one of the most difficult things to do. I would often fall asleep. Or, my mind would wander in totally different directions. I even gave up for some time.
As I was still studying self-improvement, the concept of meditation kept coming up, especially among highly successful individuals. They often credited meditation as one of the pillars to achieving lasting success.
So, I decided to give it another shot (or ten!) Over time, I was getting better at dismissing thoughts as they entered my mind, without any judgment or emotions.
When you learn to mediate, you start to live in your own world, in your own terms. People who would have normally pushed your buttons no longer have the effect they used to have.
I frequently get comments from my coworkers, who wonder how I can be so patient with so-and-so. They even thank me for being a buffer, or tell me they might have lost it already. I tell them that the “secret” to my inner peace and calmness is meditation.
The “old me” would have been fuming for days after the offending event. The “new me” responds much differently.
Meditating right after waking up, you will get closer to finding what truly gets your juices flowing. You discover what your real values and passions are so that you can start living authentically.
Those intuitive thoughts or random ah-ha moments that you’re trying to tap into during meditation do not necessarily come during meditation. For me, 99 percent of the time they come when I’m taking a five-minute break, sipping some tea, working out, taking a walk, washing dishes, or doing something as mundane as sitting in the dentist’s chair.
In other words, the payoff is outside of meditation. Through meditation, you learn to first let go of random thoughts so that you stop obsessing over the ones that hurt you. Instead, you want to focus on the ones that resonate with you.

Most of All: Decide!

You have to decide, really decide, what it is that you want. We have all made half-baked decisions in our lives. We put in the effort for a little while before giving up. That’s not really deciding.
You already know what it is. When you have really decided, you feel it in your gut. You know that no matter what happens, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it is, you will see it through to the end.
For me, it was that do-or-die moment when I was in pain and in hospital. My back was to the wall, and I truly had no place to go but forward.
Even to this day, when I am about to make a big decision, I think back to this defining moment and the emotions it wrought. I know I have really decided when I feel those same emotions.
So grab hold of that feeling. Or, look for it when you make a decision. That’s how you know if you truly meant it when you decided.

The Lessons at a Glance

To sum up the lessons learned, here they are.

• You are what you think. So, choose carefully!

• Question your beliefs.

• Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

• Stop finding excuses for why you can’t. This is called blaming. Instead, find reasons why you can. This is called taking the initiative.

• Be thankful for both the good and the bad in your life for both are gifts.

• Meditate

• Really decide.

I have come to realize that at any given moment, life brings with it challenges. With each challenge is the amazing the opportunity to grow, so long as we see it this way. Others may rail against it.
It’s made me the person I am today. I would have missed all those important lessons and tremendous opportunities for self-growth. More importantly, I would have missed sharing those lessons here today.

3 Things I Have Learned From Trying To Please People In My Life.

Nana and Me. Photo Credits: Angel

“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.” ― Aesop, Aesop’s Fables

‘Traditional’ probably isn’t a word that anyone would use to describe me.
If there’s anything I’ve learned over the course of my life, it is that breaking away from the perceived ‘norm’ can be difficult. But I’ve also learned that living life a certain way just to please people is nothing short of a death sentence.

Thankfully, I learned that lesson relatively early-on in life.

As a younger man, I did everything I could to live like everyone else thought I should. This gained me a small bit of approval from my elders and peers (which I craved for the temporary feelings of happiness and inclusion it provided), but it ultimately filled me with emptiness on the inside.
The fact of the matter was that I wasn’t being true to myself—and as a result, I ended up bitter, resentful, and angry toward everything that my ‘normal’ life had become.
Eventually, I hit emotional rock-bottom. I found myself so disappointed and disheartened at my existence that I could barely summon the energy to get out of bed in the morning.
In my mind, I was quickly running out of reasons to continue living. Any shred of happiness that I had once possessed was gone. This confused me, because I was making decent money, and had what most people would consider a ‘good’ life.
But it all felt forced, empty, and meaningless.
The problem was that I wanted something different. But other people in my life encouraged me to live the way they thought I should live—and I found myself second-guessing my own passions and ambitions when this happened. I wanted them to be happy with me. I wanted respect and admiration from my friends, family, and community.
I wanted their approval.
But in trying to please them and make them proud, I was effectively abandoning everything that meant anything to me. Instead of living my life and finding my own way, I had become a clone. My life had become a carbon-copy of the status quo, with nothing original or different to set it apart from anyone else’s.
There was nothing left in it for me. I felt misplaced—like my life wasn’t even my life anymore.
So about last year, I began to change. But I soon learned that I could not become my true self without letting go of my deep-seated need to please other people.
This was surprisingly difficult for me—but I quickly learned that breaking away from this mentality and living life on my own terms could be as liberating as it was stimulating.
I also found that doing so enabled me to love myself more—which also made me better at loving other people, despite our differences.
I quit my ‘safe’ K.P.L.C job to become a better person. This got me away from a work situation that felt hopeless and allowed me to pursue something that I cared about.
I rejected materialism, and my family (my amazing daughter) and I began to practice minimalism. This completely transformed the way we spent money and managed our possessions.
These changes (and others) led me from a life of confusion, endless repetition, and personal emptiness, to a life of intentionality, passion, and ultimately… self-fulfillment.
But it wasn’t always easy—and I quickly learned that I had to leave behind my concerns for what other people thought of me in order to become who I truly wanted (and needed) to be.
Over the course of my life, I’ve learned many lessons pertaining to this struggle. But when it comes to trying to please other people, here are the 3 that stick out to me as the most important.
1.You may only get one chance at this life… so why live it to satisfy the opinions of others?
Your life is far too important to spend living to please other people. Yes, we should love others, conduct ourselves peacefully, and do everything we can to maintain positive relationships. But never, under any circumstances, should we allow the mere opinions of the people around us to dictate how we live our lives.
Be the ‘you’ that you truly desire to become. Live life on your terms. Take the chances that you want to take, and become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
2.People who judge other people are often unhappy themselves
Open-mindedness and acceptance are generally the signs of a genuine, authentic, and intentional life. On the flipside, judgment and closed-mindedness are usually symptoms of a life devoid of happiness, self-worth, and idealistic integrity.
By this logic, trying to appease the closed-minded people around you is akin to cutting off one of your own arms just because everyone else decided to do so.
Don’t restrict yourself based on the limited viewpoints of the people around you. Stop forcing yourself to overlook your own potential. Don’t allow the opinions of other people to keep you from living the best and most authentic life possible.
It’s your life—and if people don’t agree that you have a right to make your own choices (and encourage you to do so), then you would probably do well to stop listening to what they have to say.
Interestingly, I noticed that when I stopped living to please other people, a lot of my friends ended up rejecting me. But I also noticed that new people began to show up in my life—new friends who were also authentic, real, and genuine.
I now have an amazing, incredible network of friends in my life who are open-minded and accepting of me for who I am—and I now have a greater sense of community in my life than I’ve ever experienced before.
3.At the end of your life, you’ll regret not living the way you really wanted
This is probably the realization that has given me the most courage. I never want to end up on my deathbed wishing that I had done something differently. I never want to look back and feel that I missed out on life because I was too afraid to take a different path.
When I reach the end of my journey in this world, I want to look back and know that I lived my life to the fullest extent possible. I want to know that I left nothing to chance and that I seized every possible opportunity.
But most of all, I want to know that I wasn’t held back by fear.
I want to look back on my life and know, without a doubt, that I was strong enough and brave enough to live on my own terms—regardless of whether or not the people around me disapproved.
What lessons have you learned about trying to please other people? I would love to hear about them and learn from your experiences as well… so please feel free to leave a comment.