The Reason I Meditate

“The meditation cushion is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren’t enough.” – Unknown

There exist countless varieties of meditation.  Depending on what one seeks, there is probably a meditation for it.  Common goals include stress reduction, cardiac health, subjective well-being (happiness), ecstatic states of consciousness, and spiritual communion/union.  Although these types of meditation are very diverse, one might arbitrarily divide the types of meditation into the concentration types and the open-awareness types.  The concentration types involve focusing on an object, such as the breath, a mantra, or visualization.  The open-awareness types are more of a surrender and opening up to what the universe has to offer.
I have a variety of meditations that I draw from depending on the particular needs I have at the time.  For example, if I am feeling disconnected from my heart, I may choose a lovingkindness or metta meditation.  If my mind is incredibly restless, I may choose a guided meditation from the Insight Timer app.

However, my go-to meditation is a hybrid of concentration and open.  To bring my mind into focus, I concentrate on my out breaths while counting to ten.  Any extraneous thoughts I label as “thinking” or “fear.”  Once my mind has settled down (if it does at all), I change to simply being mindful of whatever experience comes up, noticing any judgment, grasping, or aversion.
Mere intention to be mindful hasn’t been very useful for me.  In order to cultivate ongoing presence, I require a formal, structured, carved-in-stone-calendared practice.  Without this, other priorities tend to invade my sacred space.  For me, early morning time is the easiest to maintain as long as I can keep some discipline about when I go to bed.
Why do I go to such lengths for meditation?  I believe that the practice benefits me in a variety of ways.

1. Creates an Automatic Internal Program

You know that song that gets stuck in your head?  It got there because it was repeated and you paid attention to it.  Now it just comes up spontaneously, wanted or not.  A formal practice sets up a similar tune in my head that plays on and off all day in the background.  The lyrics are something like “What is my experience now?”  This little program is my best friend, ideally getting triggered by a variety of experiences and keeping me from getting too involved with mental fantasies.

2. Keeps Me From Rehearsing Fantasies

Whenever the mind is not aware of a present experience, it is either rehearsing a memory or rehearsing a fantasy.  Rarely are either of these healthy, but they sure can be seductive.  I just love to think about past hurts, future fears, or future ambitions.  All that just programs me to do even more of it in the future and reduces my current productivity and enjoyment.

3. Helps Me Make Memories

If I spend most of my day worrying/reminiscing about the past or catastrophizing/dreaming about the future, then I am NOT paying attention to my present.  Therefore, there is nothing to remember about the current day.  Days will go by, and I will have few memories to show for it.  Compare that to a day full of mindfulness, where I  hear what my friends say, and feel the ups and downs of life.  That is the stuff memories and life is made are made of (not that I want to waste all my time reminiscing).

4. Makes Me a Kinder Person

Meditation helps me stay centered, aware of my love and hate as they arise.  I am incredibly more compassionate and less angry when mindful.  The sooner I can catch an emotion, the less likely I will get involved with a story about it.  This makes me a much better husband and father.  As a mental health counselor, my therapy work is noticeably better when I am centered.

5. Lowers My Stress

Stress can be a pretty nasty thing for health.  It causes a cascade of chemical reactions in the body that result in cardiovascular plaque, abdominal fat, compromised immune system, chronic fatigue, and poor sleep.  I really try to avoid chronic stress by using meditation as a daily reset that can reduce my cortisol levels and keep me chill for as long as I remain mindful.  (Note: I try to maintain the mindful state at the end of meditation and carry it into my daily life.

6. Helps Me Make Better Decisions

If I am not centered, then decisions I make may be in the service of a dysfunctional mental state.  Accumulated decisions dictate what my life looks like.  The more decisions I make when I am mindful, the better my life situation will inevitably be.

7. Keeps Me in Good Company

I find that the more centered I am, the more I attract centered people in my life.  This happens both directly through meditative/spiritual circles and indirectly.
I suspect that my main excuse for skipping meditation is universal – there just isn’t enough time.  I have to call baloney on my excuse because I always get out twice what I put in it.  That reminds me of some advice I have heard about meditation: You should meditate at least one hour every single day, except when you are really busy.  On those days, you should meditate for two hours.

4 Different Types Of Girls

A man has 4 different types of girls..
1.Wifey
2.Baby Girl
3.Side Piece
4.Jump Off



1)Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all
the women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man...she is
VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the girl that the guy loves and will
always love, he never wants to see her with another man...BUT he will
cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he
gets caught or fucks up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed,
and NEVER be happy again. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent,
never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook and loves to keep
a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day. Drawback of Wifey,
she loves public displays of affection... which might intefere with the
acquisition of a Side Piece.

2)Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a
very active social life...she IS replaceable, thinks she's the next Wifey,
but will only be Wifey if an extreme disaster takes place.
Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every
now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but thats as
far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife
really really fucks up, she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because
Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Be careful of
Baby Girl, she tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can
be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby Girl...she is
extremely private and hates causing a scene, baby girl can come into
the same restaurant as you and wifey and wifey will have no idea you
two even know each other. Baby Girl is a master of disguise as well.

3)Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex
other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that 3some
or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and
Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him
over for a few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other
than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month.
Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out because most of her
friends are either Wifey's or Jump Offs.
Drawback of having more than one side piece, they usually know each
other somehow...we kinda think there is a side piece network.com or
something. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.

4)Jump Off...every mans dream and worst nightmare. She is trying
to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesnt know
how to go about it.They are just the girls he hollas at when he is
with his boys...she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname
because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her...he
only recalls how fat her ass was. The Jump Off gets called in
emergencies only, when wifey is moody, baby girl is on vacation and side
piece is with her baby's father. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in
public for a number of reasons, she is usually 5 other guys jump off as
well, so she might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you
slip up, she also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you
are with Wifey (something that baby girl would NEVER do) and the most
dangerous thing about Jump Off...she ALWAYS seems to find out where you
live and or work.

The outcomes of being sex friends

Some women accept to be friends with benefits (FWB) with a man they just meet, in the hope this would lead to a real relationship after some time. But according to a study of 191 people involved with a FWB, only 15% got into a romantic relationship after one year, while 28% were back into being just friends, and 31% didn’t have any relationship at all with their FWB. 26% remained FWB.

15% is a low score for an eventual relationship. It’s far from what Hollywood make us believe about the outcome of FWB.

So there’s a lot of disappointment ahead for those who hope for a romantic relationship out of a FWB.

But what is being friends with benefits? In general, it’s an agreement when the partners don’t want an exclusive relationship and allow themselves to see other people. There are not really feelings involved.

In such case, it’s difficult to start a relationship from this point. Because when you start to see other people without commitment with your FWB, it may lead to jealousy ahead when you start seeing each other exclusively. You can’t just brush away the immediate past of you FWB.

Yet, some people still have hope about a romantic relationship out of a FWB.

“One of my friends met a chic on Tinder two months ago, after the end of his long term relationship. At the beginning, they were just FWB, but it has evolved into a real relationship because he recently introduced her to us” one of my friends says.

I’ve noticed women who accept to be FWB often went out of a long term relationship or a marriage just before. It’s a kind of compromise, just like casual dating. Except there’s no sex involved in casual dating.

Some people think having sex with other people can help them to forget their ex. Yet, when the breakup is too close from your new FWB, it may not help as you may have your ex still under your skin. It’s the same if you start right away a new relationship. It depends on people.

And even if you’ve been FWB for years, coping with the breakup of a long term relationship isn’t that easy.

The lesson here is to not hope too much from a FWB. After all, the study shows you have a better chance to become just friends or remain FWB than to have a romantic relationship.

And it’s not a rule to be FWB. You always have the choice.

The bill (going dutch on a date)

In the world of dating, equality between sexes doesn’t really apply. Every woman I know expects the guy to pay the bill at the restaurant on the first date, and even on the next dates. It’s the part of the courtship. And even if we are in the 21st century, men are still expected to lead the courtship.

Many women told me if a guy lets them pay or offer them to go dutch, they think their date doesn’t want any commitment or are just stingy. One of them even told me she thinks the guy hates women in general, but can’t really be alone. In that case, why doesn’t the guy turn to prostitutes?

“If they don’t pay, it just means they are not interested” one of them said.

In fact, it depends. One of my friends hates dates for that reason. “I hate going to the restaurant and think about sharing or paying the bill at the end with my significant other. It’s a nightmare. Fortunately, I met him through friends during a BBQ, and he invited me at his place where he cooked a meal for me for the first time, and the next, and the next,… He doesn’t like to go to a restaurant that much, because he worked in many restaurants, and it reminds him of bad times” says one of my friends, who do agree to share the bill with me when we go out dinner together.

Another friend of mine told me he pays alternatively the bill with his significant other at the restaurant since their second date. “But I was a gentleman on the first date, I did pay the bill” he said.

My friend isn’t offended by the idea of having the bill paid by his significant other from time to time.

As for going dutch, some of my friends don’t agree because a date isn’t like going out with your friends.

Some guys think women are high maintenance or are stricken by the princess syndrome if they expect to have the bill paid every time at the restaurant. But all men don’t think that way.



I guess it can be a good indicator of your values if you don’t agree on who pays the bill at the restaurant during your dates. If you throw a temper tantrum because of the bill, it’s not a good sign. But at least, there’s an immediate reaction.

The worst, I think, it’s when one of two pays the bill, and the other holds grudge without saying anything. Like if the woman pays the bill, and the man thanks her for the dinner and the time they spent together, and then goes MIA for days.

Why can’t I be you? (Stealing your partner’s personality)

In theory, we should never change who we are or what we want for the one we love. But in real life, it can happen we can adopt the personality of the person we are dating. Especially in the six first months of any long term relationship.


When we fall in love with someone, we fall for the person who holds the promise of changing our life. So it’s not impossible to adopt the personality of the one we love. If we find ourselves changing for a partner, maybe it’s because we want that change.


We may fall for someone who is different from us for that reason. But we are all different even if we share some common points. Because we have each a personal history, which makes us who we are.


That person we are attracted may seem different because he/she can have some features very different from us, like blue hair, a certain style, … or some crafts like hosting dinner parties, a knowledge about beers, a long list of travels, or whatever it may be.


But really, we are looking at those differences because we want to be that different. It’s a way of reinforce us in a sense.


I remind this story about an guy who falls in love with a woman who likes to swim with sharks, while he was afraid of water.






One of my friends told me she fell in love with a guy who didn't drink and was socially awkward, while she was a party girl. At first, he was positive influence for her. Because she stopped drinking and going out, she could focus on her work. And got a prize for it. But eventually, she got tired of him, because he didn't like to go out, while she wanted to have some social life.


In a way, it’s like an extroverted falls for an introverted. Many couples are like that.


Some do survive, because of compromises.


Some do not.