Relationships 101: How to Handle and Cope with Differences

In relationships - no matter what kind - the spice of life between people may oftentimes give a welcoming flavor, but too much spice can create tumult and spin any relationship into a state of chaos. Oftentimes, too many differences can prove to be quite unsettling and troubling. People may not always view eye to eye on many topics. There can exist differences of opinion on significant issues, or presenting new approaches to life may be disconcerting to those not able to understand fully.
When differences surface in a relationship, they can be perceived either positively or negatively. If you are finding that there is trouble in a relationship that you're in due to differences of personality or opinions, try turning the negative issues into more productive positive outcomes. Even a broth filled with too much spice can be watered down. Differences can be a valuable ingredient and essential part of learning. Turning the tide on differences by not allowing judgmental obstinancy to creep in, can also create positive and more fruitful experiences.
Communication is a necessity for the understanding and acceptance of differences in any relationship, enabling differences to come out as positive aspects within a relationship. It signifies an open exchange of ideas, and this can be possible only when all parties involved are willing to not only talk but to listen just as equally. In taking the time to listen attentively without quickly passing judgment and truly making the understanding effort towards another person's perspective, will result positively with people turning their differences into strengths within their relationships. Thereby, ending by bringing people much closer together in the process.
For those individuals having difficulty in opening the lines of communication, there are ways and methods to start the "positive pow-wow" going. Even something quite simple as reminding oneself to not interrupt whilst another person is talking can achieve wonders. If the waves are strained with the inability
for discussion, making a gentle attempt to start one can prove a way to show the willingness in wanting to work things out.
Here are some ways and/or guidelines to help a bruised relationship back on a positive track towards better understanding and communication:
Listen
In order for all parties in a relationship to feel at ease and comfortable, they must think and feel that they're being listened to. Taking the time to really hear what people have on their minds without judgments or interruptions is the most crucial start in mending the emotional hurts and bruises. It is the most significant part to do in order for a well-functioning relationship to unfold. This step may be harder than what it is seems, but in trying to salvage a relationship, listening is a necessary ingredient which can be mastered in the doing. Whatever happens, don't listen just to "pretend" you're listening to give off the impression or appearance that you're willing to respect the other person's views for them, when all you're thinking about is waiting for the opportunity to voice your own opinion. That is not listening. To seriously listen means to be willing to participate your energy with the person you're listening to.
Talk
Don't be scared to voice what is on your mind, even if you're uncertain on how other people will handle it. It is significant to get things out in the open than to allow your frustrations within yourself to fester. Make certain that tact is involved when communicating. A voicing of opinions which is focused will be readily more acceptable to a listening audience.
Respect
Don't only think of yourself. Give other people the same space and opportunity to express themselves in the same manner in which you'd like to have or be given. After all, it's all about an equal exchange of energies. When discussing with other people, don't always think you must win the argument because you feel you can out-reason the person you're discussing with. Once again, use tact without seeking to condescend or patronizing the other individual. Allow them their reasoning as well. You may surprisingly find that they are not as irrational or incompatible as they seemed initially. If you can't find yourself agreeing with the viewpoint of the other individual, then stress that you are willing to agree on the disagreements. A resolution for peace should be the outcome.
Overall

In any relationship, differences can prove to be problems, but with sincere efforts to work out the differences, resolutions can be obtained with healthy communication. There should not have to exist a burning of bridges.

ENJOY THIS POEM BY KARINA DEL CAMPO

Between our little fights and our giggles

Do you remember that you were the first lips I touched? 

The first hand I held, 

The first one I cared for, 

The only one I ever loved.

Do you remember you made me smile when I first saw you?

The first time I did I knew there was something there.

A spark between us that I felt only when I was with you.

Do you remember that you were the first to put your arms around my waist?

The first to lift me in the air.

You were my Romeo, I was your Juliet

Do you remember we weren't allowed to see each other?

But still we made it happen.

We weren't allowed to talk, but still, we managed.

Do you remember when we happened you held me so tight?

We didn't want to let go

Do you remember when I would look at you and just smile?

You gave thanks to God everyday since he put me in your life.

Do you remember when it was over?

We still cared for each other.

You told me you wished the best for me.

Do you remember that you were the first one I ever cried for?

Besides my daddy when he left me.

Do you remember we had something that nobody had?

Something people looked for, but didn't find.

You were the best I ever had. (:

You were my first love. 

If I had three wishes the first one would be,

To see that beautiful smile I love to see.

The second would be to be in your arms just one more time.

The third would be to have you back in my life,

To have you forever baby.

'Till this day you’re still in my heart. And I don't regret a thing

15 Things you should Give Up for Happier Life

Here is a list of 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and you'll feel much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering and instead of letting them all go and allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to them.

Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!


1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can't stand the idea of being wrong wanting to always be right even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It's just not worth it. Whenever you feel the 'urgent' need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: 'Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?' What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?


2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
'By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.' Lao Tzu


3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don't have, for what you feel or don't feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don't believe everything that your mind is telling you especially if it's negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
'The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.' Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
'A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.' Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It's not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you're not just to make others like you. It doesn't work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you're not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change don't resist it.
'Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.' Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling the things, people or events that you don't understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.' Dr. Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn't exist you created it. It's all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.' Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. . A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck and lie to ourselves, using all kind of excuses excuses that 99.9% of the time, are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. This one's hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But, you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for the past that you are now dreaming about was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us, is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too (it still is), but it's not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things (and that doesn't mean you give up your love for them because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless; where there is love there can't be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot co-exist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people's expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them; to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people's expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need and eventually, they forget about themselves. You have one life this one right now you must live it, own it, and especially don't let other people's opinions distract you from your path.

LOVE LETTER TO EX GIRLFRIEND MONISHA

 

8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do

I'm fortunate to know a number of remarkably successful people. I've described how these people share a set of specific perspectives and beliefs.

They also share a number of habits:

1. They don't create back-up plans.

Back-up plans can help you sleep easier at night. Back-up plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You'll work a lot harder and a lot longer if your primary plan simply has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment--without a safety net--will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

If somehow the worst does happen (and the "worst" is never as bad as you think) trust that you will find a way to rebound. As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

2. They do the work...

You can be good with a little effort. You can be really good with a little more effort.

But you can't be great--at anything--unless you put in an incredible amount of focused effort.

Scratch the surface of any person with rare skills and you'll find a person who has put thousands of hours of effort into developing those skills.

There are no shortcuts. There are no overnight successes. Everyone has heard about the 10,000 hours principle but no one follows it... except remarkably successful people.

So start doing the work now. Time is wasting.

3.  ...and they work a lot more.

Forget the Sheryl Sandberg "I leave every day at 5:30" stories. I'm sure she does. But she's not you.

Every extremely successful entrepreneur I know (personally) works more hours than the average person--a lot more. They have long lists of things they want to get done. So they have to put in lots of time.

Better yet, they want to put in lots of time.

If you don't embrace a workload others would consider crazy then your goal doesn't mean that much to you--or it's not particularly difficult to achieve. Either way you won't be remarkably successful.

4. They avoid the crowds.

Conventional wisdom yields conventional results. Joining the crowd--no matter how trendy the crowd or "hot" the opportunity--is a recipe for mediocrity.

Remarkably successful people habitually do what other people won't do. They go where others won't go because there's a lot less competition and a much greater chance for success.

5. They start at the end...

Average success is often based on setting average goals.

Decide what you really want: to be the best, the fastest, the cheapest, the biggest, whatever. Aim for the ultimate. Decide where you want to end up. That is your goal.

Then you can work backwards and lay out every step along the way.

Never start small where goals are concerned. You'll make better decisions--and find it much easier to work a lot harder--when your ultimate goal is ultimate success.

6. ... and they don't stop there.

Achieving a goal--no matter how huge--isn't the finish line for highly successful people. Achieving one huge goal just creates a launching pad for achieving another huge goal.

Maybe you want to create a $100 million business; once you do you can leverage your contacts and influence to create a charitable foundation for a cause you believe in. Then your business and humanitarian success can create a platform for speaking, writing, and thought leadership. Then...

The process of becoming remarkably successful in one field will give you the skills and network to be remarkably successful in many other fields.

Remarkably successful people don't try to win just one race. They expect and plan to win a number of subsequent races.

7. They sell.

I once asked a number of business owners and CEOs to name the one skill they felt contributed the most to their success. Each said the ability to sell.

Keep in mind selling isn't manipulating, pressuring, or cajoling. Selling is explaining the logic and benefits of a decision or position. Selling is convincing other people to work with you. Selling is overcoming objections and roadblocks.

Selling is the foundation of business and personal success: knowing how to negotiate, to deal with "no," to maintain confidence and self-esteem in the face of rejection, to communicate effectively with a wide range of people, to build long-term relationships...

When you truly believe in your idea, or your company, or yourself then you don't need to have a huge ego or a huge personality. You don't need to "sell."

You just need to communicate.

8. They are never too proud.

To admit they made a mistake. To say they are sorry. To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others. To poke fun at themselves. To ask for help.

To fail.

And to try again

Dear Hot Straight Actresses,

Dear Hot Straight Actresses,

Stop playing perfect lesbian characters on TV that cause me to become wet on lonely Thursday nights.

It’s the equivalent of waving double chocolate fudge cake in front of a menstruating woman who has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

To name a few,

Jennifer Beals as Bette Porter on The L Word.
Stop it!

Naya Rivera as the sassy Santana Lopez on Glee.
Stop it!

Angie Harmon as butch goddess Detective Jane Rizzoli on Rizzoli & Isles.
You may be in the closet but you are gay and stop!

And Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw as the married lesbos Dr. Cali Torrez and Dr. Arizona Robbins of Grey’s Anatomy.
You…you keep going. You two give me hope.

Hope that someday my insanely high expectations will be met when my hot art collecting, sassy mouthed Doctor with handcuffs in her back pocket jumps from the screen and onto my sweatpants covered lap.
In this crazy assumption that I’ll end up falling out of an apple tree letting gravity push me into the arms of a woman who fixes my broken sense of reality with a amazing great hair and a wedding proposal.

Missing out on the

Hot barista who gives me an extra large when I ask for a small

or the

Budding sexy artist who invites me to her galleries only to realize her muse has oddly the same hips as me.

or the

Best friend who is still stuck in the shadows of my closet.

Nope…didn’t see any of those.
I’m too busy watching the boob tube to see what low cut tops they can get away with before they leave the set and back to their husband and 2.5 kids.

All I’m asking is…

…when is it coming out on DVD?

MODESTY 101

1. 1
   Check that you are using assertive communication appropriately. If you are new to assertiveness, or you're not feeling your usual self because of illness or stress, etc., you might be resorting to techniques that are more aggressive, passive aggressive, or making assumptions where there are none to be made, rather than being assertive. A quick check you can do is to think back through your comments and stance with the person in question and write down what you said. Read it back: Does it sound to you as if you were being assertive, or otherwise? Be Honest - it's about you!
2. 2
   Check the context. Sometimes factors come into the equation that shouldn't. Race, gender, married status, age, disabilities, illness, and so on can sometimes cause a person to assume that you have an "attitude", rather than an assertive style of communication. If you suspect that this is the situation, continue with your assertive communication and consider whether it is worth raising your concern that your status might be causing negative responses from the person accusing you of being arrogant, or whether this might even be something actionable in your workplace, school, etc. environment.
3. 3
   Be an Active Listener : Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Assertiveness is about give and take; you take a little of their time to clarify your feelings and you give a lot of your time to hear about theirs. Remember that a good listener is also a flatterer and it's hard to find arrogance in that!
4. 4
   Be Humble and modest. Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I did!" from the rooftops. Assertive people are remembered because they stand firm, their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; they also frequently become a form of role model for others seeking to assert themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don't boast, big note yourself or become pushy, no matter how clever, popular, or successful you might be.
5. 5
   Reflect over your communications with others and your purpose. While assertiveness is about ensuring that others respect you and what you want in life, it ceases to be assertive communication when you use assertiveness techniques to confuse or outwit someone where you're more knowledgeable, cashed up, or better off than another person. Assertive communication is not about "getting your own way". That's turning assertiveness into aggressive techniques of communication and that's when you'll be accused of being arrogant. Always think about the purpose of your communications - will it make you better understood, will it ensure that your needs are fully communicated, and will it still respect the other person's need to be clearly understood and well informed? For example, which of these examples do you prefer:
   
   
   • Hi, I'm "Arrogant". I bought this iPhone here last week. It's a lemon. It scrambles my messages, it chewed up my hard drive, and it emits this high, piercing sound that makes my dog go insane. Now I just know an iPhone isn't supposed to behave this way but I suspect that your store is removing the X factor that makes it work well when the software download from Herod's site is added to the overall structure. I mean, you guys think you're so smart but I'm one ahead of you and this really stinks. I mean, back in '89 I practically invented the whole concept but it was stolen from me, so nothing gets past me ever again. This is so serious a breach of your store's customer care that I want the manager, not just a retail rep!"
   • Hi, I'm "Assertive". Oh I see you're Njeri - Hi Njeri! I don't think we've met yet - I think I was served by Cyril before. Anyway, I bought this iPhone last week and it's a lemon. It scrambles my messages, it chewed up my hard drive, and it emits this high, piercing sound that made my dog go insane. Now I just know an iPhone isn't supposed to behave this way and I was hoping you might be able to look into it getting fixed, or perhaps, even better, give me a new one? I'd really like a new one because then I wouldn't have to worry it might fail on me again. I've always bought my gadgets from this store and I have always really appreciated your customer service. So Njeri, do you think you might be able to help me out?"
   • In the first example, Arrogant starts off OK and then starts meandering, and ends up being aggressive. In the second example, Assertive keeps it light, considerate but still remains focused on the point, only he asks for buy-in from the retail assistant and doesn't disrespect her station. Note how he also named her at the start - Establishing rappaport with someone for who they are, not just their role, really matters. And that is one incredible key to warding off people finding you arrogant when you practice assertive communications – you treat the other person like they matter (because they do).
6. 6
   Remember that assertiveness techniques take time to learn and nobody gets it right all the time. Apologizing is a good response to a failure to communicate assertively though and there is always space to reopen that door to better communications.
7. 7
   Don't take negative comebacks to heart. When you are faced with one of life's more challenging personalities, the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Sometimes it is your self-assurance that is a cause of irritation for less secure people and their response is to try and weevil their way in through criticism. This is never a reason to fall back into old patterns of unhealthy communication styles. Simply reassert whatever your point is and choose to leave it there. It is something they can work on with the full enlightenment on where you stand.
8. 8
   Seek the middle way. Sometimes if you're placed in a position of having to choose between differing viewpoints in a group, there might be accusations of arrogance against one division by the other. Always consider the possibility of being able to acknowledge both sides of the argument and finding the middle way to draw the concerns together. You don't necessarily have to solve the situation but you can be a powerful facilitator to the group finding an answer to its division through your assertive communications. In such situations, inform everyone that the situation is not one for blame, not one for recriminations, and not one for finding fault. Instead, help people to see that there is a chance for compromise by showing them where each has made assumptions about the other or the facts of the situation, while still upholding your own belief or opinion. And suggest that they have another look at things to reach a compromise.