It's My Birthday.... 3 Things I've Learned

Today is my birthday. So today I wanted to take a second to thank you for your wishes and share a few lessons I’ve learned in 29 years.

“What’s your greatest fear?” When I used to hear people ask me this godforsaken question. I guess I never really understood it. I would say, “Nothing” and they would look at me like I was crazy. I thought fear meant an animalistic, physical sensation like some predatory animal was chasing me. It turns out fear is a lot more subtle.

• I’m afraid of being ordinary. 
• I’m afraid of thinking small.
•  A lot of us are afraid of failure, or looking stupid, or of our friends thinking we got “too big for our britches.”

“What keeps you up at night?” Another phrase I didn’t understand. Dumb & Literal Cyrilt was like, “HUH? I SLEEP GREAT!” Well, now I get it. Maybe it doesn’t literally mean what prevents you from going to sleep…but what is on your mind ALL THE TIME? For me, it’s not revenue or launches or my alcohol. It’s people problems and people management (the special challenges that come with growing a company).

“Keep trying new things.” There’s another phrase I’ve been thinking about: “Keep trying new things.” On the surface, it sounds so normal — duh, of course I should keep trying new things. But think about our daily schedule: Most of us go to work, come home, maybe work out or watch TV, then do it all over again…for the rest of our lives. Maybe there’s a 1-week vacation thrown in there every year. And and an outing with my special friends.
And yet a tiny change can change everything.

IT'S STILL MY BIRTHDAY

Birthdays are kind of the worst. The expectations and the attention. I don't even like cake. Don't judge me. I have a soul, I promise. That soul just happens to be committed to Booze. A lot of people think that a birthday for me is this huge accomplishment and they make it weird, like a celebration, which ends up feeling more like a countdown than a count-up. I don't mean to be crabby about it; I guess it is a big deal. I don't know the statistics, but a lot of people who are in my boat never make it to twenty-nine. Did I mention I'm twenty-nine? It's funny, I feel like I deserve a much larger number.

My Recap Of twenty-nine:
• Fell Sick!
• I had to quit my job.
• Went to my first blind date.
• Was humiliated in the love department (no comment - see previous posts - ugh).
• Got high off of alcohol. (Do not take booze from strangers... no matter how cute they are.)
• And I FINALLY figured out my hair aka how to make it look less like a hat and more hair-shaped.

My birthday always makes me think of my mom. She's just this big mystery to me. Where she is, what she's like, what I'd be like if she hadn't left. But if twenty-eight taught me anything it's to not waste my time on "what ifs." So, in the spirit of staying positive, I'd like to say that the best bullet point on my recap list this year has to be:

• to find someone who will make my life and my year be peaceful and to enjoy it to the fullest :)
• To have my bussines be stable and be internationally known.

Can't wait to see what's to come for me this year. Stay tuned.

Aftermath

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

At A Birthday Party

Goodbye 28, Hello 29! Is it me, or is time going faster? Is this a sign? Am I getting older? I am pretty sure the days and hours are just the same. However, I still feel as though there is NEVER ENOUGH TIME in a day or week to do what I need to do! (Rant Over) All joking aside 28 has been one of the best years of my life. I fell sick on 1st January for a month and had to quit my job at k.p.l.c.
Being that today is my birthday I have been playing a memory wheel of the past year in my head. It’s amazing how many things can change in 365 days. I have learned so much about myself this year, not to mention how important it is to truly keep God 1st in all you do.



What I Have Learned:
-I need to slow down and enjoy the moment.
-Be present and put the phone down (I am on any social media platform you can mention!)
-Plans and people change, get over it.
-People aren’t as though they seem, therefore dust it off and move forward.



My Goals For This Year:
-Go back to Meru.
-Get dates planned to go to Europe (Paris, Italy and London presumably).
-Start growing my family.
-Launching the second part of my vision. ( We will save this for another post)
-Surround myself with people that truly support and understand my madness.
-Not to skip the gym! ( Hell nah! What, I like my sleep!Infact I have never been a member)
Cheers to 29! The Best is yet to come! Now, I must go pack!
And Happy Birthday to Cyril Ochieng' and thats me.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today I celebrate ME! The birth of me! The person I have grown up to be! The person I will become! The Brother, Son, friend, Boyfriend, employee, acquaintance; I am! I celebrate me today!
No one else needs to celebrate with me, for I am enough to know who I am and what I can become. If you join in, you will be welcomed with open arms. If you don’t, you’ll still be given a smile back.
I know I said I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday this year. It was the thought of all the terrible birthdays I celebrated in the past. But after writing that post a few years ago, I consider why those birthdays were so terrible and I realize that I made them terrible. I did not celebrate me, instead I let tragedies, unfulfilled expectations and people decide how I was going to feel about the day.
Today I realize I will decide how today will go. I will be the reason for it to be fantastic or terrible. It will be my decision. No one else can decide this for me. So, today, I decide to celebrate me. I raise a glass of champagne in the air and toast to 30 years of ME. I am the best I can be at this very moment and that is a celebration in itself!
Happy Birthday to Me! I wish myself many more years of joy, love, laughter, health and prosperity. I wish myself strength and wisdom for days to come and I wish myself success with everything I do today and tomorrow!
Here’s a drink to ME!

How to (PRETEND TO) be a Normal Person

As you wade through the mysterious complexities of life, encountering such typical philosophical travails such as “why are we even here?”, “what is my calling?”, and “will I get caught if I burn my boss’ house down?” we can often feel alone…as if we are weird, and no one else is having these feelings on a daily basis. And the fact of the matter is – you are weird. You’re strange – odd…actually if I was to be completely honest you are probably Norman Bates level mental…but other people don’t have to know that!

Here are a few top tips that I have gleaned over my tenure as a full-time sociopath, which are sure to help you fit in and walk among the muggles undetected:


1. Nod, and smile when people are talking (even if you don’t understand what is going on):



You can throw in a few “ahhh I see”s for good measure – even though you don’t see anything at all. Just keep nodding, and smiling…nodding and smiling…people will tell other people you are a good listener, and ironically subsequently a great conversationalist!


2. Say “oh my God” instead of an actual well-thought out reply:



There’s really no need for any other reply these days, not unless you want to have the possibility of saying something weird like your actual sick thoughts. Instead stick to the script…just alter the pitch and pronunciation of the “oh my God” to suit whichever situation you may find yourself in; shock, sadness, humor, joy – whatever, whenever – you’re golden.


3. Reply with “it’s fine, don’t worry about it” when someone wrongs you terribly:



Let’s get this straight – it’s definitely not fine, and you will carry around this bitterness for the rest of your life like a heavy noose around your neck…but never mind – it’s…fine. I mean you may need counselling and perhaps some form of radical electric shock treatment years from now – but until then…you’re fine…no really, you’re fine.


4. Whistle a tune you are literally making up as you go along:



People who go around whistling are so annoying right? Just wandering about totally in their own world, without a care as to how irritating they are to the entire population of the earth…urgh! But funnily enough by masquerading as one of these rogues you can don the guise of a normal-o! (Please note you will appear normal but will have no friends and your entire family will abandon you.)


5. And finally…always shake stranger’s hands aggressively whilst repeating “I’M NORMAL, I’M NORMAL, I’M NORMAL!” in a shrill tone.



This is the clincher and takes a little bit of practice – fortunately you can train for this in the comfort of your own home (toddlers, cats, and your bed-bound grandmother make for great training apparatus) – remember to truly believe yourself when you shriek “I’M NORMAL!”; after all if you don’t believe yourself, then why would other people?
~~~
And here marks the end of my knowledge on this subject – but if you enact these five simple steps you will be surely well on your way to a life of normality (and repressed feelings)…

…but anyway I’m going to leave this coffee shop now, I think my whistling is starting to anger the rest of the clientele. Good luck, and keep smiling my friends – it’ll be our little secret!

What Childhood Movies Taught Me… (Nostalgia Fest)

I’ve been having myself a good old nostalgia fest today – thinking back to some of the best films I loved during my childhood (and still do!) I suppose I didn’t realise it then…but a lot of the films were teaching me valuable lessons on life – and in many ways I owe everything I am now, to them! Here are ten of the most poignant philosophies that I, and millions of others were taught ~


1. “That breakfast food is the best – and there is no such thing as too much…” - (Uncle Buck)

This lesson in particular, has held true all of my life. Although I am yet to use a snow shovel to make humongous pancakes – it is definitely on my bucket list.


2. “That they don’t sell human eyeballs in supermarkets…” - (Jumanji)

Just in case they were ever on your grocery list. Also we learned that not all board games, make you bored – as the name may suggest. Obviously having Robin Williams present helps massively.


3. “That everyone always appreciates hip actions, winking, and pointing…” - (Toy Story)

Having killer boots also helps. There’s just something about the sleazy wink that sends people wild with lust! In my experience, so wild they evacuate the building immediately.


4. “That you should go to great lengths to keep your special areas clean.” - (The Lion King)

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Enlist a friend, or trusted person for those hard to reach places.


5. “That electrocuting dead people doesn’t bring them back – but crying does…”  - (Pokémon: The First Movie)

This is obviously one of those practice makes perfect things, because so far it’s not working for me…I’ll stick at it though. I’m sure the magic Pokémon tears will come soon…


6. “That you should be distrustful of every single old lady…” - (The Witches)

Especially ones with demonic purple eyes, huge claws – and a tendency to try and murder every single child they come across. The more lovely, and doting they appear…the more likely they are to have a penchant for incineration. Be careful, kids.


7. “That if your friends are unhappy, hit them with things until they’re not…” - (Drop Dead Fred)

I haven’t had a 100% success rate with this one. Closer to 0% actually – but I’m not one to give up…she was happy-ish at the end of the film, so perhaps it takes a while to take effect.


8. “That it’s okay to set people on fire…” - (Home Alone)

If you do it with a little cheeky smile that is. Don’t worry about the hideous life-long scars, and the medical bills. That’s not your problem…just keep thinking of new ways to torture people. They deserve it. Probably…


9. “That the world is your gym – you just have to get creative…” - (Matilda)

Also, another side point…it’s never to late to pick up some of your own hobbies. Perhaps consider having another person with you, the company certainly makes it more fun!


10. “That sometimes people won’t agree with your fashion choices… - (Space Jam)

But despite all that Bill Murray will always be there to save the day. Oh, and that Michael Jordan’s Secret Stuff is good for you; so drink up – however this is not to be confused with Michael Jackson’s secret, Jesus Juice.

Bustin’ a Nut

Forgive me for venting, but don’t you think nuts get unfairly branded negatively just about everywhere you turn? I’m not sure who decided on the marketing decision to use nuts as a frame of reference for just about everything that isn’t wonderful in the world…but whoever it was has totally ruined the good nut name for generations since, and I for one think it’s not right.

This is how much it upsets me (approximately).

Everywhere a nut dares to venture in the world it has to face horrendous stereotypes…typecast automatically before anyone can even get to know it. That’s largely because the n word has been stretched and contorted out of all reality, and transformed into something that it doesn’t resemble at all…here are just a few unfortunate but all too real examples:

“That guy licking his dog’s leash looks like a nutter – let’s cross the road.” – when detailing a possibly mentally ill man, and his infatuation with an inanimate object.

“He thought he had came back from the dead to spread Noah’s message. He was completely off his nut.” – when gossiping about a friend’s recent revelatory adventure whilst in the throes of an opiate high.

“Urgh, this disgusting salad has a nutty taste…let’s go get a burger instead.” – when blaming nuts for the overall dissatisfaction you have with your grossly unfulfilling healthy choice.

Aragon is absolutely sick of it.

But you see it shouldn’t be this way, and we can be the change. After all nuts can be your friend, if you would only look past all of the false tall tales and into your heart. They can be great sources of protein, and from my personal experience are great listeners. They’re also rich in antioxidants, and have a number of other uses; such as something to throw off people who get too close to your picnic, a last alternative to have with beer if the world runs out of salty/cheesy snacks, and a whole host of chat up lines – such as “you remind me of a walnut, because you have a brain and I want to eat it.”

With all these plus points it’s an absolute insult that they remain slandered at every opportunity…so what are you waiting for? Get out there and reclaim nuts for all of their positive traits! Don’t let a few bad apples ruin it for the rest of them…

For the record she loves nuts.

…and if you really have to hate on a certain group, make it apples. They don’t keep the doctor away at all – just ask Snow White.